This is an organized first draft. What suggestions do you have for next steps?
Goku and Kid buu. and the Turtle was walking around Goku and Kid buu were fighting Goku grabbed the Turtle the Turtle was orange bit Goku and the Turtle got away and they tried to find the Turtle but they could not find him so they kept on fighting then the Turtle came back then Goku grabbed it then threw it at Kid buu then it turned evil then beat up Goku and Kid buu then they tried to run away but the Turtle found them and they found the Turtles weakness so his weakness was tickling so Kid buu and Goku the Turtle said don’t defeat me I will not harm anyone so Goku listed to the turtle then the turtle said ok do you want to be friends now the turtle said lets go to my house do you want to play a board game the turtle was funny then Goku went home the turtle waved goodbye.
by Isaak
Isaak
You have some fantastic characters in your story. I think that you need to read the piece again and consider where you could add some punctuation. Punctuation would help your reader to understand the story and it will make the flow of your story much easier.
A very good story
Well Done
Hi Isaak,
This is a good first draft for the 100 Word Challenge, well done. I like your character’s names and I like some of the vocabulary you have chosen. Rebecca is right, some punctuation in your writing would help when you do your second draft.
Keep writing!
Mrs Stones
http://bradfordschools.net/blog/miriamlord100wc/