One day a little girl name Kate. She found a key in a grass. She said” what does this key go to?” She went to her backward and started playing a game with it. Her best friend Bella came over. Kate set the key on her desk. Bella came in Kate’s room and saw the key. Bella asked who’s key is that. Kate said” I found it on the grass. Bella thought that the key might have been hers. Bella said” I think that’s my key.” It actually was Kate said” if it’s yours you can have it. Then she took it.
by Justina
I was glad to see that you had characters with names in your short story as well as a couple of settings. What I didn’t see was a transition sentence that brought the girls into the house. Some emotion words would be good, like surprised or happy etc…
I like that she is kind and willing to give people back their property. Nice.
Nice job, Justina! One suggestion I have is to work on making a paragraph every time someone new talks…that bit of organizing will help your reader love your story even more!
Justine, you piqued my interest. I know you were held to only 100 words but I couldn’t help wonder what comes next and what the key was really for?
Ms. Kriste
Hi Kate,
I liked your writing. I particularly liked your precise use of verbs and the variety in the verbs you used. I especially like the sentence ‘Kate set the key on the desk’. I think ‘set’ is an unusual verb. I know the children in my class would not use it. I conveys to me that Kate put the key on the table carefully.
I don’t know if it was you chose the picture. I like that the grass seems frosty and that the key does not seem to be a new one.
With every good wish
Merry Beau (Class Teacher 2nd Class Room 6) Greystones Ireland
merrybeau.edublogs.org