“For some reason the car stopped suddenly. I don’t know why” said Nick to his friend. “Here’s how it went. We passed a very big tree then the car just stopped and then for some reason we all got smacked in the face and then we all got knocked out and then we got smacked in the face again and then we said alright and then I smacked the ghost in the face. Then the ghost said alright, I’m sorry for haunting your car. Then he slammed the door and the car went dawawawa. Aquille came and said, “Why is your car going bowwowwowwow?” – Aquille
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I really loved reading this blog. I really liked how you tryed to do sound effects with words. Great job.
Holly Clark, San Diego, California
Wow, what a terrible adventure for those poor passengers, all the violence and haunting! A night they will never forget, I’m sure!
This is an action packed story which is fun to read but to make your writing even better you could add more variety to your time connectives. You have used THEN 8 times so perhaps you could try one of these next time:
firstly
next
consequently
then
suddenly
after
now
following
when
meanwhile
lastly
later
since
finally
This variety would add even more interest to your exciting action-packed stories.
I really enjoyed your story. Thank you for sharing your writing.